They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
