She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize