Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
