Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
