this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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