We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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