Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
