Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize