if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
