well I can't set my house on fire every night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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