Small penises have feelings too.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
