is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
