my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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