We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
