how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
