Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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