A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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