It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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