I just threw up on my dentist
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
