Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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