you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
