my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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