I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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