cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
