so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
