WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
