porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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