; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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