i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
