I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
