Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
