She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
