So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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