Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She bit a glass in half.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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