I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
