it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
