I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
