Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They took my balls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
