oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
