Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
