Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
did you just send me my own nude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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