I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
