Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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