I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
