I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
