Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
