I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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