First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
