AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
