OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
