that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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