I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
