Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
