DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
