Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
