we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
