Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
