I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
