mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FUCK WHALES
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
