i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
