a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
