he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
