i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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