i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
