so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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