you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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