this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
