Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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