can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize