you mean i was at the winter classic?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
