Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
