Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
