Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
