I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
