Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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