There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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